Debbie, a mother of two, shares this story: 

 

"It happened about a year ago. I was getting ready for a family outing. Although I was excited, I felt stressed to keep on schedule with the other members of my family, particularly my sister, who planned on leaving especially early. I remember racing through the house collecting toys for the car in one hand and juggling my five-month-old in the other hand. The clock was ticking, the baby needed changing, the car had to be packed, and my three-year-old son was demanding attention, begging to be picked up. He wanted juice, his truck, anything that would take me away from what I was trying to accomplish. And I had lots to accomplish. Like most moms, I had a mental checklist of things I wanted to bring and things I had to do before we left the house."  [Checklists always take so long to complete, and this one was no exception.] 

 

Debbie continues with the details:

 

"I knew the tension was mounting, but I was still eager to keep on schedule. I put the baby down in the house and walked out to the car, closing the door behind me so that I could take a quiet moment to look at the car and pack what was necessary. I just wanted to get it done and get going. I left my son inside crying for me, but I wanted to go alone. Well, my son must have been writhing with frustration inside the house. He was alone with the baby and had never ever hurt the baby before so it never occurred to me that he might. But he did. He was hitting her or at least that is what it sounded like from her screaming. I ran into the house and stopped him before he seriously hurt her. He was completely out of control, as was I."    

 

They were all out of control. Anger, fear, helplessness, and frustration had reached an unbearable height and it was being expressed uniquely by each of them. Within minutes, and still full of rage, Debbie grabbed her son and literally tossed him onto his bed. She confessed to hitting him while screaming, “Don’t you ever hit the baby, not ever!” Debbie’s fury not only blinded the irony of her actions (hitting her son while telling him “don’t hit”), but it brought on the guilt that usually follows an incident like this. What’s especially ironic is that Debbie felt more stressed out after hitting her son than she did before this incident, and her son was more desperate than ever for his mother’s attention.   

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Through similar stories, enough mothers have supported my argument that a mother’s mood invariably affects her children’s mood, and ultimately their behavior. Children are remarkable in their ability to sense their mother’s mood and internalize it. No matter what emotion a mother is feeling, a child can sense it and then reflect it back in subtle or demonstrative ways (e.g., biting, hitting, crying). As an experiment, notice your children’s behavior when you’re feeling anxious, depressed, angry, melancholy, or unresponsive. Notice the mood in the house, whether it’s tense or loud, quiet or chaotic. Now make the conscious decision to put aside your stress and your negative mood. As hard as it is, change. Tell the kids that you don’t want to be in a bad mood and then suggest going out to get an ice cream. Or walk into the room where the children are and play music. Take your child’s hand and begin to dance with him or her. Chase your children and tickle them. Suggest they help you make dinner and have fun doing it. Involve them. In other words, make your children smile in any way that works.  And then look again at your children’s behavior. Notice the way they treat each other and you.  Observe the changes in mood that occur in the house, the feeling....